Occasionally, we cross paths with people we don’t like. The reasons are varied. Personality clashes could be one reason. But if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll realize that the most common reason is jealousy – we want something the other person has. It could be a physical trait, like good looks; or it could be something on a different level, like intelligence or confidence.
If we recognize the reason for our dislike, we can find a way to combat it. But as is so often the case, people are not honest with themselves, so they don’t recognize their feeling of jealousy for what it is. This is when relationships fail.
In life, we may come across thousands of people we dislike and even abhor. And sometimes, the feeling may be mutual. Or, it could even be the reverse – the other person detests us. It’s a fact of life and completely unavoidable – we just cannot like everyone or be liked by everyone. A simple solution is to just avoid such people.
Here’s the problem though: what happens when you meet someone at the workplace whom you dislike, and then find out that you have to work with said person on a project…for an extended period of time?! If you let your feelings get in the way of your work relationship, things could get out of hand. Either put your feelings on the back burner, or (better still), find a way to rid yourself of those negative feelings. The best way to do that is to find something to like in that person. Let’s face it, every person, no matter how despicable they may seem, has some good qualities. So just mentally note five qualities you deem good in that person and focus on them. A good relationship is now already in the making.
To cement that good relationship, try speaking to them. Even if, at first, you get no response, keep trying. A simple “good morning” may be all it takes to break the ice. Perhaps, you could even draw from your mental list of ‘likables’ and comment on one of those qualities. Even the most humble among us lap up praise. This is not necessarily sucking up to the person; merely thawing that frigid exterior (possibly made frigid by your attitude).
Next, you could try to recognize what their strength is. For most people, their strengths are easily visible from the get go. But if not, look a little deeper and come up with something. This too, would help you to combat your negative feelings towards the other person.
Finally, to seal the deal (so to speak), try having a mental conversation with your nemesis. Imagine you and the other person having a pleasant conversation. You both are getting along so well, even apologizing to each other for past ill will. Follow this exercise a few times a week, and that image could become a reality.
It is so much nicer to make friends than to make enemies, and the unnecessary mental tension it relieves you from would make it worth your while.
I wish you well
Dr Ken
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